Mary or Martha - stop mumbling God!

 The countdown has started.  

Tickets. ✓

Covid forms, completed as far as possible. ✓

Covid test booked. ✓

Technology updated - new phone with a fully functioning battery, mini-keyboard so I can keep on posting en route. ✓ I still need to practice with the technology, shake out the bugs.

Gronze app, (containing huge amounts of essential data for errant peregrinas). ✓

Sticks bought. ✓

News shoes bought.  And rejected.  I don't trust them.  The old ones should see me through. ✓

As the number of checks grow, so does anxiety.  Is this wise? I have all my life been given to rash enthusiasms.  One of God's jobs has been to moderate these. 

And it's all got complicated.  Much of the Lord's prayer is mysterious to me, but some bits seem clear. Nothing mysterious about "Thy will be done."  In principle, I get that, but actually, it breaks into three separate steps. 

First of all, you've got to see His will. And between you and me, he does not always make it clear.

Second, you've got to accept it. It may be not at all what you had planned to do, it might wreck other dearly held plans.

Third, you've got to do it.  Find the energy. Shut your eyes to the criticism, the laughter, the mockery, and just do it.  Even if it's not a job you particularly like.

With respect to the first, I expect that sometimes exactly what we do doesn't matter all that much, that there are many possible ways we can serve.  Mary's and Martha's service were both acceptable.  

I'm having trouble with all three stages at the minute. 

The trouble is this.  I would be Mary and Martha both, if I could. This camino is a Mary moment. No actual benefit accrues to anyone as a result.  I get the fun of three weeks of worshiping with the soles of my feet, possibly in the company of those who understand the need.  

But there is a Martha's job to be done too.  Ukrainians need homes.  We have rooms.  We are a grumpy old couple, it is a rough old house, but we have often had lodgers long term and short. We can do this. Those who can must. I have signed up with Homes for Ukraine.  

So, what is His will? Mary or Martha? Or can I be Mary and Martha both? My son could let people in to the house, if I could get the bedrooms sorted before I go. Or I could not do the Camino - surely homes for people is more important than a stroll through Spain? Or I could go, but be prepared to come home at short notice? Or perhaps the offer of our home would still be of value after I get back?

I could do with a sign, a nice bright yellow flecha amarrilla - an arrow painted on road/wall/the back of stop sign, keeping the errant peregrina on the Way.  How about it God?

Maybe if He wants me to hang around and welcome Ukrainians He will send a nice clear sign.  A positive Covid test result would do it. Just in case I get away with being Mary and Martha both, I'd better get started clearing the house.


God, Stop mumbling! (written at an earlier time of directional frustration)

God I wish you would stop mumbling!


What? That's rich, coming from you, a some time C of E communicant, did you ever listen to the prayers? If I didn't know the order of service I would often be quite challenged to tell whether I was listening to the Prayer for the Whole State of Christ's church or the General Confession.


Oh stop, you know what I mean.  Every morning I say "Thy will be done" and mean to do it too, but it's so unclear what I actually need to do.  What am I supposed to do? How about you speak clearly, tell me exactly what you want me to do, or maybe paint a nice bright sign? On the Camino there were nice bright yellow arrows.  You could try them.


How about you get your ears cleaned out.  How about you stop doing a Nelson, choosing to turn a blind eye towards signs I give you that I know you can see with perfect clarity. Your dog Sally patiently tried to teach you to listen.  Have you forgot all she taught you?


Ok, yes, I know what you are referring to.  (Sally, my shadow for thirteen magic years, taught me that communication was equally the responsibility of the speaker and the listener.) But I think you know what I mean too.  Here is the day, spread before me, at your service Lord, but what am I supposed to do in it? 


Wait a minute.  Do I understand what you are saying. You don't know what you are going to do today?  You want line by line instructions?  Ok. You start by doing the breakfast dishes,


Yes but


and when you are finished with that, the house is a disgrace. Tidy it up.  Begin with the dining room table and then your desk.


Stop, you're sounding like my mother


Was your mother wrong? She understood some truths about my will  (and I know she taught you) that you seem to prefer to forget. When you have done that, make the decision whether to continue the insurance or change to a new provider.


But in any case the insurance is not due until the end of the month


Procrastinator - add that to your list of sins. 


But that trivial housekeeping stuff, that can't really be 'Your will' as in 'Thy will be done'. 


And why not? What do you think is My will?  Do you fancy yourself sitting astride some warhorse sword in hand about to engage in holy battle on my behalf like Joan of Arc?


Well, not exactly, though I like horses but


You dingbat, why do you people always need to be told individually.  Christmas wasn't two months ago, do you know what  Christmas is about even? I came and spent thirty years as a human talking with you people, hoping that you would get the message and understand and do my will.  Did I waste my time?  Why do I have to tell you individually what I want you to do?


But it doesn't say anywhere in your stories "Clean up thy kitchen"


Ok, Look, I will spell it out. Will of the day.

1. Clean up the kitchen.

2. Pick any three chores that need doing and get them done. Today.

3 Control your temper.

4. Do not indulge in despair.

Got it?


That's it? I, er, nothing about giving away all my possessions, no bodies to be burned?


Not today thank-you.  How about you just try doing that much.  Too easy, do you think, then? 


Not exactly, I can do 1 ok, and 2 probably. Uh, 3 and 4 are a bit, er, challenging. 

I do try, lord, but, 3, things happen, and I just burn with frustration, and it leaks out, and 4, well, it's sometimes, well, it's not like I intend to cave in but I look ahead and it all looks hopeless and


Just do it! 


Ok. Sorry.  I will.  


And don't worry, the time may come when I do ask more, but when that time comes I will be with you for the heavy lifting.  You know that. I know you know that, really.


Ok, Yes, I do know that. Really.  You sent me an egret and an owl to remind me. Sorry to whinge. 


Do you mind me whingeing? 


What, me mind whingeing? It would be sad for me if I did. You humans all do it. Whinge away, but do my will.  That's a command.


Got it Chief. 

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